On Wednesday after Flynn had his bloods done, we grabbed some Maccas and headed up to the cemetery to visit Noah and Aaron. After the King's first Christmas without Noah last year, I knew Easter was going to be their first Easter without Noah but never in my wildest dreams did I ever think, it would be the first Easter without Noah AND Aaron.
I told Jonty that whenever we visit Aaron, we need never feel guilty about eating Maccas because that was his favourite but I think Jonty (being only three of course) has interpreted that as we will now always get Maccas whenever we go to the cemetery.
We got Aaron and Noah a little bunny each and we tied brown and gold ribbon around Aaron's. We put the bunny in Jonty's happy meal box but Flynn kept crawling for it, hoping there were still some nuggets inside. I reckon Aaron would have had a good old chuckle telling Flynn to go for it.
It's nice and peaceful over in the children's section where we could sit on the grass and have a think and quiet chat to Noah.
Flynn was trying to be 'helpful' all the time, making sure Noah's eggs were staying put on his tree. I reckon Noah was laughing at me trying to tell Flynn off but remain reverent and respectful at the same time.
We stayed for about an hour, part of me not wanting to leave the quiet little spot, wishing that everything was all different and part of me knowing that once I did leave, the reality that everything is unimaginably painful and different for my beautiful friend Lisa, would settle once again in its familiar place in my heart.
This road Lisa is on, none of us can ever imagine or begin to imagine what she is going through. And along the journey of trying to process her own grief every minute of everyday, is the different processes of grief, Jay and Harri and Kobe are going through. All this on top of the normal everyday routines of a single parent, which on its own would be hard enough.
Even trying to begin to imagine, the pain of it, the pain Lisa is having as her constant companion, seeing that pain in her eyes, takes my breath away but what I also know, is that the love between Lisa and Aaron also takes my breath away.
And what a beautiful thing that has been to behold, both before and after Jan 26th this year.
Speaking of things that have taken my breath away, on Thursday, Lisa gave me this voucher for a massage. Whenever I am trying to be serious, I always start talking by saying, "now seriously". So I said, "now seriously, I am cross, I don't need a massage.....". But Lisa just laughed and said, "now seriously, I wanted to say thankyou...."
Lisa is thanking people, thinking of others, doing things for people.... STILL.
Now seriously though, doesn't that take your breath away.
I'm still cross though. ;)